Fan Theory

from Silver Medal Songs by Vom Vorton

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lyrics

all the girls in the typing pool can’t wait to give their opinions
on the whispers that filter in through the executives’ minions
a memo finds its way from the mail room into a desk drawer
RE: romance blooming up on the seventeenth floor

the phone operators find their eyeballs all drawn to the door
searching for an inkling of winks as we pass in the corridor
admiringly they discuss our special flair for concealing
what they assume must be a tremendous depth of feeling

but in fact our relationship barely amounts to an ounce
of a hunch between maureen and rory down in accounts

and despite the consensus it fills me with regret
to inform you that we’ve hardly actually met
the gossip makes the day a little less dreary
but she and me, we’re merely a weak fan theory

the source of the rumours: a christmas do where I kissed her
but she’s secretly seeing her superior’s little sister
in fact we’ve only spoken once since that fateful night
when she told me to back off, and I said: “alright”.

but a love affair needs more than the combined forces
of just susan, les and paul in human resources

despite the consensus it fills me with regret
to inform you that we’ve barely actually met
the gossip makes the day a little less dreary
but she and me, we’re merely a weak fan theory
the gossip makes the day a little less dreary
but she and me, we’re merely a weak fan theory

credits

from Silver Medal Songs, released March 4, 2022

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Vom Vorton Matlock, UK

ex-lardpony, OMAMA, etc.

diy pop songwriter, amateur cat artist, general movie obsessive etc etc.

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