Hide & Seek

by Vom Vorton

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Recorded February 2011 and originally released on Up Your Legs Forever netlabel. Remixed and remastered on 4th June 2012, bonus tracks added from February leftovers!


released June 13, 2011

Everything by Vom Vorton, apart from vocals on Heartline, by Julia Hinderlie.




Vom Vorton Matlock, UK

ex-lardpony, OMAMA, etc.

keeps making songs, growing beard, stroking cats.


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Track Name: The Future is Disappointing
I was gonna get up but why bother when my car refuses to hover and nobody will be going to work in gravity tubes?
and I’d go back to sleep but I think my imagination is on the blink and I’d dream of a world where food is served in cubes

they promised we’d have phones in our watches by now and we’d all live in domes on the moon
but instead we all tell the time on our phones and we won’t be moving into space any time soon

because the future’s disappointing... or is it just me?

so I drive into work, singing along to a shiny disc, full of songs, some of which were pulled straight out of the air
because my computing machine has a wireless stream
to every song I could ever want to hear
the phone in my pocket is now a computer as well; it can take photographs and check my mail
and in the rare event that I think of something funny to say, informing the whole world is only a few clicks away

so is the future disappointing... or is it just me?
Track Name: Operating and Becoming Nutritious
I made a new friend on the internet
she's new in town, doesn't know the place yet
but she's looking for someone to show her the sights
she asks if I'll do it, and I think I just might
she sounds naive, the words are English
but I'm pretty sure that it's not her first language
the words are peculiar, the sentences strange
she wants to meet up for word speaking exchange

Hello, I'm new here! Why so suspicious?
I'm a fan of operating and becoming nutritious!
I'm inspired by life, and the wonders I've found
But enough about me, see you all around!

so we arrange to meet, but it seems a bit funny
she's already asking to borrow my money
and although she says she'll pay me back double
I can't help thinking this sounds like trouble
she's reassuring, tells me I'm great
and that 25 pounds will get me a date
now that's fine and all, but before I commit
why does she keep asking if I want to enlarge it?

so my caution got the better of me
I believe the best things in life should be free
I still try to reach her, I must confess
but she's always changing her email address
Track Name: Light Sleeper
You closed the door like a gunshot and I sat bolt upright
the lightswitch sounds like a cannon in the silence of the night
Somehow sounds in the kitchen seem to pass through amplification
the microwave slowly revolving sounds like a train leaving the station

So I'm kept up late against my will
Getting an early night is like ice skating uphill
Just as I am drifting off to sleep
I am startled back awake by a floorboard creak

When I wake in the night at the slightest provocation
it starts to become a real irritation
I can close my eyes, but I can't get deeper
how did I become such a light sleeper?
Track Name: There's a Box!
There’s a box in the attic
There’s a box in the attic
full of everything I did when I was small
And I went up to get it
And I brought it back down
but I didn’t like what I found in there at all

Because the stories that I wrote have all come true
and all of my life was foretold in the pictures that I drew
and as I flick through the pages I know what must be done
I don’t want to know the future so the box must burn

So now there’s no box in the attic
there’s a box in the garden
and I’m watching the flames rise higher
and as the wind changes
the last picture that I see
is a man who looks like me consumed by fire
Track Name: The Strangest Dream
He thought she was perfect
so he asked her on a date
but she wasn’t interested
didn’t like him in that way

There was nothing to tell...
until she had the strangest dream

Something in her heart changed
suddenly she was keen
they became inseparable
until fate intervened

They were doing so well...
but then he had the strangest dream

Now he’s back where he started
what a curious case
lightning struck twice
in the same place

there was nothing to tell...
until they had the strangest dream
Track Name: Dog Scientists
Imagine a laboratory, a few years from now
a team of technicians hear a muffled 'bow-wow'
a member of their team, for reasons unknown
has locked themselves in the decontamination zone
there's a button to release the door's locking mechanism
but he can't reach up, to escape from this prison
though the door is clearly marked...
all he can do is bark

So paws! and think about the implications of your actions
the earth split into two warring factions
those who do, and those who don't, think we should allow

The group is excited, they've discovered something great
but he's excited too, and before they know it, it's too late
the scientists mutter muffled insults
his wagging tail has destroyed the results
so it's back to the drawing board, back to the start
wipe the data from the whiteboard and draw a new chart
but stop and think before you cast your votes
don't they look adorable in their lab coats?
Track Name: Jeremy & Magnus
I used to have ambition, thought I was on a mission,
couldn’t wait to go to college and stuff my brain with general knowledge
the plan was to learn about everything, then go on a quiz show - and win!
to come back with the loot... but I was told the pursuit of trivia was a trivial pursuit

...and that no-one ever has all the answers
apart from Jeremy and Magnus
nobody will ever prove them wrong
and so I turned myself to earning
instead of devoting my head to learning
now I wish that I had been more strong

So if you want to be a star but the world objects
don’t let them suppress your specialist subject
but you don’t need my tips ‘cos you followed your dream
you’re a superstar of the small screen
and now you're out facing the bright lights
and I'm stuck at home in the gloom
you're up there holding the trophy
and I'm just masterminding in my room
Track Name: All My Own Teeth
for the best part of a century I've watched the world go by
at first I tried to make my mark but now I mark my time
I've watched my family grow up and seen them move away
as my friends grew shorter and turned grey

now my hair has receded, showing the skin underneath
and my bones have an ache from which I cannot get relief
and there's lines on all my hands, skin thin as a leaf
but I still have all of my own teeth

I try to keep smiling when I don't feel my best
though I can't walk far without needing a rest
that's alright, I can stay home and watch TV
I don't really have anywhere else to be

now my hair has receded, showing the skin underneath
and my bones have an ache from which I cannot get relief
and there's lines on all my hands, skin thin as a leaf
but I still have all of my own teeth
(they're in this box)
Track Name: Heartline
Can you offer me some technical support for my heart?
because I can't find the switch that makes it restart
I fear it might have reached maximum capacity
and I need you to return full operation to me
so can you offer me some technical support for my heart?
could I return it for a service, or some upgraded parts?
the manual is vague, and yet still manages to be over-long
and needless to say, the information within is all wrong

If you are calling about a heartbreak already in progress
please press one before it's too late
if you are experiencing emotional malfunction
the button to press is eight
if you think that you require a replacement
please press number nine
or if you prefer to speak to an operator
please stay on the line

Could you provide me with some technical support for my brain?
the wires are crossed, or bits are lost, it's driving me insane
should I be letting it cool down, or running further tests?
I need professional advice on what would be best
so could you give me some technical support for my brain?
it's processing emotion and turning it into pain
the system needs rebooting, it needs investigation
or I'll be forced to remove it to a new location

Our lines are open from nine until five
we apologise if we've missed you
if you've called to report the short product life
we're already aware of the issue
if you're missing a vital connector, call back
and we'll arrange to have the part sent
but if you're looking for sympathy
you're through to the wrong department
Track Name: The World is Round (Bonus Track)
did you know that we live on a great big ball?
although the world looks flat from your window, it isn't flat at all.
the world is a circle and people live all around
and the people on the other side from you live upside down

so when you're in bed thinking "isn't it dark at night?"
just imagine, on the other side of the world, it's only just getting light
and when you're asleep, dreaming of something cool
just think, on the other side of the world they're only just going to school

in the middle of the summer when you're feeling much too hot
just imagine, on the other side of the world, they're shivering a lot
so when you're wearing shorts and sunglasses in the heat
why not send your hats and scarves to those in need?
and when you're feeling cold think hard because it could be true:
on the other side of the world maybe somebody is thinking of you!
Track Name: Goodbye Version 1.0 (Bonus Track)
goodbye version 1.0
you served me very well
despite your obsolescence
I can't bring myself to sell
goodbye version 1.0
and hello version two
I shed a tear for the old
as I unpackage the new

so farewell, trusted companion
shut down for the last time
you're cleaned up for the coffin
wiped free from dirt and grime
you're retired though you're still alive
unused though not yet dead
your reward for long service
is a box under the bed

hello version 2.0
you're a very shiny thing
now the king is dead
long live the new king
Track Name: Flat Tyre (Bonus Track)
woke up this morning feeling the worst
stubbed my toe on a chair, and cursed
run to the toilet 'cos I feel like I could burst
then head for the shower but someone got there first
try to make toast but I've run out of bread
consider scraping crumbs from the sunflower spread
give up, pour a bowl full of cereal instead
but the milk is sour; should have stayed in bed

coffee after coffee but I'm still feeling tired
just feel like my head is a flat tyre
phone into work and they tell me that I'm fired
just feel like my head is a flat tyre

head back upstairs, trip over the cat
he screeches and scratches as I fall flat
then retreats to safety, tail puffed up and fat
it'll be weeks before I hear the end of that
hobble back to bed and put the radio on
but nothing happens; the power has gone
from the window I see a dog using my lawn
as a toilet, and all I can do is yawn