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Hide & Seek

by Vom Vorton

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1.
I was gonna get up but why bother when my car refuses to hover and nobody will be going to work in gravity tubes? and I’d go back to sleep but I think my imagination is on the blink and I’d dream of a world where food is served in cubes they promised we’d have phones in our watches by now and we’d all live in domes on the moon but instead we all tell the time on our phones and we won’t be moving into space any time soon because the future’s disappointing... or is it just me? so I drive into work, singing along to a shiny disc, full of songs, some of which were pulled straight out of the air because my computing machine has a wireless stream to every song I could ever want to hear the phone in my pocket is now a computer as well; it can take photographs and check my mail and in the rare event that I think of something funny to say, informing the whole world is only a few clicks away so is the future disappointing... or is it just me?
2.
I made a new friend on the internet she's new in town, doesn't know the place yet but she's looking for someone to show her the sights she asks if I'll do it, and I think I just might she sounds naive, the words are English but I'm pretty sure that it's not her first language the words are peculiar, the sentences strange she wants to meet up for word speaking exchange Hello, I'm new here! Why so suspicious? I'm a fan of operating and becoming nutritious! I'm inspired by life, and the wonders I've found But enough about me, see you all around! so we arrange to meet, but it seems a bit funny she's already asking to borrow my money and although she says she'll pay me back double I can't help thinking this sounds like trouble she's reassuring, tells me I'm great and that 25 pounds will get me a date now that's fine and all, but before I commit why does she keep asking if I want to enlarge it? so my caution got the better of me I believe the best things in life should be free I still try to reach her, I must confess but she's always changing her email address
3.
You closed the door like a gunshot and I sat bolt upright the lightswitch sounds like a cannon in the silence of the night Somehow sounds in the kitchen seem to pass through amplification the microwave slowly revolving sounds like a train leaving the station So I'm kept up late against my will Getting an early night is like ice skating uphill Just as I am drifting off to sleep I am startled back awake by a floorboard creak When I wake in the night at the slightest provocation it starts to become a real irritation I can close my eyes, but I can't get deeper how did I become such a light sleeper?
4.
There’s a box in the attic There’s a box in the attic full of everything I did when I was small And I went up to get it And I brought it back down but I didn’t like what I found in there at all Because the stories that I wrote have all come true and all of my life was foretold in the pictures that I drew and as I flick through the pages I know what must be done I don’t want to know the future so the box must burn So now there’s no box in the attic there’s a box in the garden and I’m watching the flames rise higher and as the wind changes the last picture that I see is a man who looks like me consumed by fire
5.
He thought she was perfect so he asked her on a date but she wasn’t interested didn’t like him in that way There was nothing to tell... until she had the strangest dream Something in her heart changed suddenly she was keen they became inseparable until fate intervened They were doing so well... but then he had the strangest dream Now he’s back where he started what a curious case lightning struck twice in the same place there was nothing to tell... until they had the strangest dream
6.
Imagine a laboratory, a few years from now a team of technicians hear a muffled 'bow-wow' a member of their team, for reasons unknown has locked themselves in the decontamination zone there's a button to release the door's locking mechanism but he can't reach up, to escape from this prison though the door is clearly marked... all he can do is bark So paws! and think about the implications of your actions the earth split into two warring factions those who do, and those who don't, think we should allow DOG SCIENTISTS The group is excited, they've discovered something great but he's excited too, and before they know it, it's too late the scientists mutter muffled insults his wagging tail has destroyed the results so it's back to the drawing board, back to the start wipe the data from the whiteboard and draw a new chart but stop and think before you cast your votes don't they look adorable in their lab coats?
7.
I used to have ambition, thought I was on a mission, couldn’t wait to go to college and stuff my brain with general knowledge the plan was to learn about everything, then go on a quiz show - and win! to come back with the loot... but I was told the pursuit of trivia was a trivial pursuit ...and that no-one ever has all the answers apart from Jeremy and Magnus nobody will ever prove them wrong and so I turned myself to earning instead of devoting my head to learning now I wish that I had been more strong So if you want to be a star but the world objects don’t let them suppress your specialist subject but you don’t need my tips ‘cos you followed your dream you’re a superstar of the small screen and now you're out facing the bright lights and I'm stuck at home in the gloom you're up there holding the trophy and I'm just masterminding in my room
8.
for the best part of a century I've watched the world go by at first I tried to make my mark but now I mark my time I've watched my family grow up and seen them move away as my friends grew shorter and turned grey now my hair has receded, showing the skin underneath and my bones have an ache from which I cannot get relief and there's lines on all my hands, skin thin as a leaf but I still have all of my own teeth I try to keep smiling when I don't feel my best though I can't walk far without needing a rest that's alright, I can stay home and watch TV I don't really have anywhere else to be now my hair has receded, showing the skin underneath and my bones have an ache from which I cannot get relief and there's lines on all my hands, skin thin as a leaf but I still have all of my own teeth (they're in this box)
9.
Heartline 04:23
Can you offer me some technical support for my heart? because I can't find the switch that makes it restart I fear it might have reached maximum capacity and I need you to return full operation to me so can you offer me some technical support for my heart? could I return it for a service, or some upgraded parts? the manual is vague, and yet still manages to be over-long and needless to say, the information within is all wrong If you are calling about a heartbreak already in progress please press one before it's too late if you are experiencing emotional malfunction the button to press is eight if you think that you require a replacement please press number nine or if you prefer to speak to an operator please stay on the line Could you provide me with some technical support for my brain? the wires are crossed, or bits are lost, it's driving me insane should I be letting it cool down, or running further tests? I need professional advice on what would be best so could you give me some technical support for my brain? it's processing emotion and turning it into pain the system needs rebooting, it needs investigation or I'll be forced to remove it to a new location Our lines are open from nine until five we apologise if we've missed you if you've called to report the short product life we're already aware of the issue if you're missing a vital connector, call back and we'll arrange to have the part sent but if you're looking for sympathy you're through to the wrong department
10.
did you know that we live on a great big ball? although the world looks flat from your window, it isn't flat at all. the world is a circle and people live all around and the people on the other side from you live upside down so when you're in bed thinking "isn't it dark at night?" just imagine, on the other side of the world, it's only just getting light and when you're asleep, dreaming of something cool just think, on the other side of the world they're only just going to school in the middle of the summer when you're feeling much too hot just imagine, on the other side of the world, they're shivering a lot so when you're wearing shorts and sunglasses in the heat why not send your hats and scarves to those in need? and when you're feeling cold think hard because it could be true: on the other side of the world maybe somebody is thinking of you!
11.
goodbye version 1.0 you served me very well despite your obsolescence I can't bring myself to sell goodbye version 1.0 and hello version two I shed a tear for the old as I unpackage the new so farewell, trusted companion shut down for the last time you're cleaned up for the coffin wiped free from dirt and grime you're retired though you're still alive unused though not yet dead your reward for long service is a box under the bed hello version 2.0 you're a very shiny thing now the king is dead long live the new king
12.
woke up this morning feeling the worst stubbed my toe on a chair, and cursed run to the toilet 'cos I feel like I could burst then head for the shower but someone got there first try to make toast but I've run out of bread consider scraping crumbs from the sunflower spread give up, pour a bowl full of cereal instead but the milk is sour; should have stayed in bed coffee after coffee but I'm still feeling tired just feel like my head is a flat tyre phone into work and they tell me that I'm fired just feel like my head is a flat tyre head back upstairs, trip over the cat he screeches and scratches as I fall flat then retreats to safety, tail puffed up and fat it'll be weeks before I hear the end of that hobble back to bed and put the radio on but nothing happens; the power has gone from the window I see a dog using my lawn as a toilet, and all I can do is yawn

about

Recorded February 2011 and originally released on Up Your Legs Forever netlabel. Remixed and remastered on 4th June 2012, bonus tracks added from February leftovers!

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released June 13, 2011

Everything by Vom Vorton, apart from vocals on Heartline, by Julia Hinderlie.

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Vom Vorton Matlock, UK

ex-lardpony, OMAMA, etc.

diy pop songwriter, amateur cat artist, general movie obsessive etc etc.

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